What's Love Got To Do With It?
by Battleaxe01
Summary: Owen panics and hurts Cristina and their relationship is put in question. This is my first fanfic. Chapters 2 & 14 rated M
1. ONE

WHAT'S LOVE GOT TO DO WITH IT?

**ONE**

"_Have you left yet?"_

This was her third call to him in forty minutes so Owen knew she was up to something. He didn't know what they were doing tonight, but if he knew Cristina it was going to be something sexual. It was her day off and therefore she had a whole day to conjure up something. All Owen hoped was that it was nothing too strenuous as tonight especially, he was exhausted. It had been a long day; it had been a long week. He had a day off coming up and just wanted to make it until then. Every day that week he had slept at Cristina's, but the word sleep should be put in inverted commas, because they hadn't done much sleeping. Not that he had complained, but tonight he really just needed to relax and sleep for longer than two hours at a time.

He tried to change his plans with her for the night but she wasn't having any of it. Hence the rapid fire calls just as he was ending his shift. "I am practically walking out of the hospital doors now." He lied down the phone before clicking off his cell. He put the phone back in his jacket pocket, and this time, set about gathering his things to actually leave the building. He bumped into Callie in the corridor. She had her hand on the door of an on call room and was just about to push it to go in.

"Hey." He said. "You going home? I can wait for you if you want, save you walking alone."

"I'm staying at Arizona's tonight. " Callie replied. "Just getting my jacket, I left it in here. "

"Oh."

"Yeah, I'm under the orders of Cristina." Callie winked.

Owen shook his head and rolled his eyes.

"I think you are in for a treat tonight my friend."

"Aren't I always? " Owen pushed his hands in his pocket.

Callie smiled.

"I'm exhausted I really just want to get some sleep."

Callie pushed the door to the on call room, Owen eyed the beds inside they looked inviting. "Perhaps..." He said. "You could call her, call in sick for me."

Callie gave a laugh. "Goodnight Owen. Enjoy your night."

"Yeah." He Sighed.

***


	2. TWO

**TWO**

Approaching Cristina's apartment block, Owen pulled his phone as per her instructions and dialled. "Ok, I'm outside and on my way up... Yes I'm alone..."

The door to the apartment was unlocked and Owen walked right in. The place was in darkness except for a dim light at the end of the hall where Cristina's bedroom was. He knew he was supposed to walk straight down the hall and to the bedroom, but he was drained and a bit hungry. He stole a few moments to unwind by shrugging his coat off and heading to the bathroom to pee and wash his face. He then went into the kitchen to dig around in the fridge. Pulling out an apple and a carton of Cranberry juice, Owen poured himself a large glass. There was a box of pizza on the counter top, it was luke warm but Owen didn't mind, he sat on a stool at the counter and tore off a few slices and ate up.

In time he started to feel better. He made a start on his apple, and drank his juice. Getting up he thought he better go and see what Cristina was up to. He shook his head and smirked wondering just what she had in store for him tonight. This week already it had been role play, nurse doctor. Where he was the new male nurse and she was the experienced doctor. Open air activities, which included a rendezvous in the park. A quickie in the stairwell of the hospital, which frightened him to death, but excited her no end. Owen shook his head. Through the life of their relationship, there had been many adventures, too many some might say. She was enthusiastic, he would give her that, and spontaneous, and daring.

Approaching the doorway to her bedroom, Owen heard a moan which interrupted his thoughts for a moment and made him uneasy. As he turned into the threshold of the bedroom he let out a sigh of relief and at the same time choked coughing up a piece of apple he was chewing.

Cristina was lying on her bed in sexy underwear, a frilly garter on her right thigh. Her knees were up and parted and her right hand was busy, she was pleasuring herself, writhing on the bed, her fingers moving beneath her panties. Owen stood at the door open mouthed as Cristina's low moan crawled higher in her throat and became high pitched breaths and then a deep sigh. In time she opened her eyes and spoke in a low voice, "What took you so long?"

"Er... I was preparing myself..." He spluttered.

"Well." Her eyes warmed to his. "I couldn't wait."

"I can see..."

Owen walked to the bedside table and put his glass down, he chucked the apple in the waste bin and kicking off his shoes started to unbutton his shirt, Cristina stopped him.

"I want you to watch, get back to the door."

Owens eyebrows clamped together.

"Go!" She ordered when she could see he wasn't moving. He did as he was told moving slowly and leaned against the door frame, watching as Cristina played with her body again. "Now, where was I...?"

The room smelled of liquorice. Liquorice was the top aphrodisiac scent for women; Cristina had told him this once. She had read it in a woman's magazine. He remembered his eyebrows shot up and his lips curled in a smile when she had said woman's magazine. She had draped a sheer orange square of material over the bedside lamp so the room glowed in a terracotta colour. Owen smirked.

She writhed gently on the bed, moving her hands firmly over her skin, along her arm, over her stomach, down her legs, up the inside of her thighs. She opened her eyes slightly to catch Owen's stare as both her hands pressed down onto her front, fingers catching and scooping at her body. Her hands moved back up her body and she pressed her breasts massaging them, looking at Owen, smiling ever so slightly. Fingering her nipples, turning them between two fingers, then tapping them lightly with the pads of her forefinger.

Owen shifted in the doorway, adjusting himself in the front of his pants. His jaw clenched as their eyes locked and Cristina's palms flattened her breasts and massaged them with purpose. Her bottom pressed into the bed as she rotated her hips. Her eyes left Owens and she lost herself in her grinding. She worked one hand back down her body into her thong and pushed her index finger in. She reached her other hand over her head to grasp one of the metal bars in the head board. That middle finger moved inside her, in and out. Her sparse thong left nothing the imagination. Cristina's rocking hips moved faster; her finger moving quicker, her raised hand clasped the metal bar tighter, her breathy sighs became louder, exaggerated. Her chin pushed toward the ceiling and her mouth opened, a guttural sob thrown out of her throat as she came. Her small feet dug themselves into the sheets her toes curling up as her orgasm took over her.

Owen's mouth had fallen open but he didn't move from his post at the door. It took her a while but once Cristina opened her eyes she gave him a slight smile. "Your turn." She said. Owen raised his eyebrows and pushed his head forward. "I want to see you," She said taking her time to lean up on her elbows.

"Come on. Show me." Her eyes signalled to his groin.

Owen shook his head slowly as he popped the top button of his jeans and slid his zipper down. The dancing light in Cristina's eyes and the mischief glowing in her face curved his lips into a saucy smile. Opening the front of his jeans he slid them down past his hips and Cristina could clearly see that he had been aroused, not that she had any doubt that he wouldn't be.

"I want to watch you." She spoke to him in that low voice he couldn't resist and her eyes weren't asking they were telling. To get things moving, Cristina reached over to the bedside table and took a couple of sips from his glass of cranberry juice. After the second sip, she held the glass above her body and poured a level stream of juice over her breasts, over her abdomen, pooling most of it over her panties.

"If you let me watch, I'll let you lick this off."

Owen smirked. "You'll put me into a diabetic coma with all that juice."

She laughed loudly, Owen shook his head at her and stepped out of his jeans. He put one hand behind his head and the other on his hip gyrating them throwing a wink at Cristina.

"Stop." She laughed.

He feigned an accent "You want watch me, to dance? You like me to dance like this?"

Cristina's loud cackle echoed in the room. Owen opened the buttons on his shirt while moving his hips. When he was done he pulled the shirt off and swung it around his head a few times before letting it fly. Cristina was in hysterics. Chuckling himself Owen climbed onto the bed crawling up over her but not touching her, his arms tented either side of her body and he looked down at her. He leant to kiss her briefly on the lips before pulling back. Cristina's laughter eased into a smile.

"You're an idiot... "She said rubbing a hand slowly through his hair. "Am I going to get my show?" She asked. Demanded.

"Would I miss the opportunity to lick sweet sticky stuff off your body?" He replied.

He dipped back down to give her lips a solid kiss before rising up. As he moved away from her one hand stayed connected to her body trailing ever so slightly down her neck, between her breasts, down over her stomach hovering over her underwear a few moments, he pressed his palm onto her mound with conviction, feeling her, touching her, tickling her. She moved under him a little, but watched his body, broad, and muscled in front of her, naked except for his black briefs, a beautiful man with strong legs and a toned body. She would never tire of admiring him. She admired so much about him that it was hard to convince herself that her favourite part about Owen Hunt was his hands. They were his talent, his future, his career, but they also embraced her, protected her, loved her and caressed her, touched her, inside and out. She loved his hands.

Owen played with her a little but then moved his hands to himself and gave Cristina the show she had been asking for. Slow and gentle and intense. Their eyes connected until he couldn't look at her anymore lost in his own orgasmic moment.

Cristina leaned up to him when he was still. She stroked his face and moved up to kiss him "Thank you."

"You're a witch, you know that. "

"Yes. But you know you're not done yet, right?"

"You're going to kill me."

"Yes, but think how happy you will be when you die."

"One day I am going to make you pay for making me your personal exhibit."

Cristina pulled Owen to the bed kissing him. Owen let himself be kissed for a while, mainly to let his body recharge, but the smile on Cristina's lips as she dominated their session made him momentarily irritated. He swung her underneath him without warning and pulled her body down toward the edge of the bed. In fluid movements he drew off her thong, hooked her legs over his shoulders pulling her towards him so her inner thighs were by his ears and without looking at his target started to lick and suck at her taking in as much of her as he could.

Christina gasped and writhed into him without hesitation, making him determined to gain the upper hand over her. Owen breathed her in and scooped at her with his tongue. The scent of cranberry and Cristina filled his nostrils. She made breathy sounds as Owen gripped her thighs and devoured her with his tongue and his mouth, smelling, licking, poking, and rubbing his nose and his face into her. He just loved being in her like this and the way she responded she loved it too.

Her hands grabbed and pushed against his hair, his head, his shoulders, she needed him to stop now. She couldn't take it anymore. "Okay" She panted time and again. "Alright..." Owen reached deeper into her with his tongue. "Owen..." He gripped her thighs tighter so she couldn't wriggle. "Stop..." She was close to coming as his tongue moved quickly in and out of her. Eventually Owen pulled back, his mouth wet with her, Cristina sighed relieved but still close to the edge.

He let go of her legs and knelt onto the edge of the bed, anchoring himself over her pushing into her quickly. Silencing Cristina's gasp with a passionate desperate kiss. Owen moaned, she felt amazing hot wet and throbbing, he dug himself into her. Cristina moaned against his kisses and rocked her hips into his body, clawed at his back, pulled his bottom hard into her, moving her legs wider apart to receive all of him, _all of him_. She pulled him, Owen thrust into her. She rocked to him. Their connection was amazing. Their sex was amazing.

"Oh god... fuck me." She panted clawing at the hair on the back of his head.

Owen pulled his body back so he could see her face as he pushed himself into her.

His whole body was responding to this moment and to this woman. He had never felt like this with anyone before. Never had sex so intense with anyone. Even on his best days. He had loved Beth, but even in their closest moments he had never felt this type of passion with her. He had never felt the type of need or hunger for anyone and that scared him when he was deep inside Cristina. If he could lose his mind over someone it was likely Cristina and that made him nervous. It made him hold back sometimes, it made him want to try and dominate her, so she might lose herself to him. But Cristina was competitive, and even when deep in lust she wasn't willing to give herself up to anyone.

During one of their rare conversations about Preston Burke, Cristina had made a flip remark that had stayed with Owen and during intense moments in their love making it came to his mind. When she explained her love for Burke she said. "I will never lose myself over a man like that again."

The statement although he understood the reasoning behind it, hit Owen in the gut. Every time he looked at her, touched her, made love to her, spent time with her, he lost a piece of himself, to her. He assumed this was mutual or moving towards mutual. Her statement signalled to him that she was holding back, how much, time would tell. As casual as he appeared sometimes Owens love and need for Cristina was scary, confusing and consuming. He pushed hard, riding her, Cristina held onto him, her nails digging into his thighs. "Cristina," He panted.

"Owen, oh, god."

Sometimes when they made love and he was buried deep inside her like he was now, a 'thing' happened between them. An electric sensation that bound them together beyond the sex and the love and the orgasm. They had discussed it once or twice and named it 'the moment'. He could only liken it to the moment of conception. There were many women who could pin point the exact moment when they had been impregnated. They just knew, they had that feeling, they could pinpoint that 'moment'.

Between Owen and Cristina their moment felt like his soul connecting to her soul or something ridiculous like that as Cristina had said, but, they did become one soul in their moment, and each agreed that had she not been on birth control that was the moment she would become pregnant. Secretly in those moments, Owen wanted her to become pregnant. Overwhelmingly so.

He wanted her to be pregnant with his child, marry her, and be his family. That's what he wanted secretly in the moment. He'd only discussed the feelings of 'the moment' with Cristina, that electric spark that connected them. Not the parts about wanting a baby and marriage and the whole nine yards. Because Cristina being Cristina would laugh her head off and say "Sure Dr hunt, I'll interrupt my breathtaking career to have your kids." During her part in 'the moment'. Cristina felt an over whelming need to express herself. That's what she had told him in their discussions.

As Owen pushed himself into her, as he fucked her, their moment ignited, the warmth of her insides over took him, her soul infiltrated his, and the volcano erupted in both of them. If he could get her pregnant tonight he would. If he could, it would be now. Cristina clasped him tight, her hands and nails digging into the skin of his back. Owen grunted and breathed heavily as he devoured her mouth in desperate kisses. As he pushed into her, Cristina kissed him back panting into his mouth crying out as her release came, the sound of her release pushed Owen over the edge and he released into her. Losing a bit more of himself into her, physically, emotionally, mentally.

He pulled back to look at her and just for moment a peace took over her face and he knew the look, she had had her moment and she would have to let him know something. Her words came low and breathy. "Owen. I... love you... " She needed his body on hers and pulled him down onto her. He hesitated not wanting to crush her but she didn't mind, she wanted to feel his body compress hers, she needed that tension in that moment. They lay like that awhile. Cristina smiling deliciously expressed. Owen slowly relaxing his breathing, eventually rolled off her and hugged her close. Before long her hand was caressing his thigh reaching between them to rub his penis, to caress it, Owen suddenly irritated shrugged her off.

"Sorry."

"We should probably get some sleep."

"Okay." It was a hesitant okay. "You alright?"

"I'm just tired "Owen said rolling away from her onto his other side so that she had to spoon him which Cristina didn't mind as she could tuck her arm through his and hug his waist.

She fell asleep before he did. As they lay together his mind was a jumble of thoughts that he was really too exhausted to make sense of. He needed to resist the urge to analyse until the morning when he was refreshed and could think better. But sleep was unsettled, sporadic. Deep some moments, light in others. Each time he started awake it was the same set of thoughts itching at him. Cristina and her I love you. The way she said it, when she said it, whenever she didn't say it. It was always during sex, why only during sex, he corrected his thoughts but they kept moving. Why only four times since they had been together, and why only in one of her 'moments'? It was a trivial matter wasn't it. He was tired, exhausted. What did it matter, he loved her, Cristina was Cristina, he should just get some more sleep.

He glanced at her, peaceful, pretty, and sleeping. Those three little words hadn't meant much to him for a long time. He didn't need to hear her say them, because he knew that she loved him. He loved her and for a long while that was all that counted. Whenever he told her he loved her, she would hug him or say 'I know' and fidget in shyness, it was cute at first. But over time it was weak.

His eyes cased the lamp lit room noting the strewn clothing, the empty cranberry glass, the liquorice scent still lingering in the air and the ruffled bed clothing. His mind recalled their lovemaking, him over her penetrating, her responding to him, her mouth opening, her tongue aching to find his. Him sucking and licking her body. While everything they did was wonderful and made him smile, made her smile and despite the experience of their moment, Cristina's 'I love you Owen', came in sex and sex alone, and Owen didn't know if he liked that anymore and he didn't know why. Why did he need something different from her now? Because great sex and adventures and liquorice weren't going to cut it in the long run that's why. They were in a relationship but she was avoiding depth. Exquisite sexual adventures were shutting him up and covering up her fears of intimacy. At least it sounded like a reasonable argument. The clock on the wall confirmed he had to be at work in a few hours and so he didn't have the time to rationalise the actions of the woman lying beside him, or to apply logic to his uncertainties.

"Cristina." Whispered Owen. As she stirred he let her know that he was going home to rest and change. She hummed; Owen kissed her head "See you in the morning." Easing out from the covers he gathered his things and quietly made for the bathroom to dress and leave the apartment.


	3. THREE

**THREE **

The morning at SGH was steady; cases came in one after the other until late afternoon when intake, incidents and surgeries tailed off. Cristina had managed to hand Owen a coffee at some point during the day and plant a kiss on his lips before sweeping off. It was the most connection they had as both were busy and he was thankful, because he needed to understand what he had been feeling. He caught sight of Derek at the end of the hallway and hurried to catch up to him before he disappeared. "Er, Dr Sheppard...Derek...!"

Derek turned to face Owen but was looking at his pager reading the message on it. "Hey Owen... I've just been paged by the chief; he's being very mysterious today. You know anything about this meeting later?"

Owen shook his head no. "I'm sure we'll find out at six. Um... Derek... could I... Are you busy? Can I have a word with you...in private..? "

Derek gave Owen his full attention, by the tone in his voice he grasped that Owen needed Derek and not Dr Sheppard. He looked at his watch. "Er... sure, I have about half an hour free actually, if nothing else comes up. Do you want to talk here?"

Owen said no and so they walked down the back stairwell and out through a set of double doors that led out of the hospital onto the second floor roof garden. It was just a small gravelled space with a few flowers, a couple of benches and a waste bin, but it got the sun and it was a nice space to take a break and sit. Owen had lunched there many times, on his own and with Cristina. He sat down on one of the benches, Derek sat near him. The sun had been out it and the blue cloudless day was slowly changing. It was still a bright clear day, but the sun was getting ready to take a break. The positioning of the benches allowed the two to stay somewhat shaded without being hit by too much direct, albeit fading sunlight.

"I don't think I've been out here before. " Derek said looking around.

"It's one of the places I like to come to think." Said Owen. "It's not as busy as some of the other places in the hospital. " He was leaning forward with his elbows rested on his knees, his eyes focused on the gravel under his feet. He knew he was on borrowed time and that their pagers could go off anytime, but he struggled to put his thoughts into an opening sentence. Eventually Derek helped him along.

"Do you need my help?" He asked quietly.

Owen shook his head, but said. "I mean I do, but not with sleep or stress or anything like that..."

"Cristina?" Derek guessed.

Owen nodded his smile was subtle. If his past experiences had taught him anything it was to open up more and he really needed to talk to someone. The thoughts he had been turning over in his head since the night before maybe needed a friend's ear and some perspective. He knew he could trust Derek with his processing. He began slowly. "I am unsure," He said. "About my relationship with Cristina."

If Derek was expecting something Cristina related he was not expecting that. Owen massaged his hands together and continued. "I don't know what we're doing together, that's what has been going through my mind. Should I be with her? "

Derek's eyebrows eased upward. _"Should you?" _

"Can I, I don't know if I _can_ be with her anymore..." Owen corrected himself.

"I didn't realise the two of you were having problems."He said leaning forward to look at Owen.

"_I _didn't realise we were having problems." Owen said.

Derek didn't know what to say. He hadn't expected this. By all accounts and observations, Owen and Cristina were a happy couple. He wondered if Meredith knew something, she had given him no indication of problems, no confession, no bedtime gossip. "What happened?"

"I don't know." Owen sighed. "I don't know what happened. I looked at her last night and wondered, or realised that I want her so much but where we are right now, is probably as good as it gets, that all I'm going to get from her is maybe alot of sex, some good company and I don't know what else..."

Derek understood immediately, he'd been there himself with Meredith.

"You've got to push through this feeling Owen, push her through this feeling. "

"I don't think Cristina is willing to or wants to move beyond where we are, she's having too much 'fun'. But how long are we supposed to keep simmering in this spot..."

"As long as it takes?" It was a question. Even as he asked Derek wondered if he could simmer with Cristina Yang indefinitely. "What do you want?"

"I want more of her... is it selfish to want more of her, more from her?"

"I don't know. I thought you were happy, you both seem pretty happy to me?"

"We are happy, but... But I love her, but I'm not convinced she really loves me. We have the connection but I think she loves 'it' more than she loves me."

"Oh she loves you." Derek said missing the connotation. He was sure of that, he'd never seen Cristina look at or interact with anyone the way she did with Owen. He and Meredith talked about it from time to time. The two of them were a good couple, and Meredith was happy for Cristina, even if she was just getting to like Owen.

Owen sighed and sat back leaning one arm along the back of the bench. "I don't think...I don't believe that Cristina is really capable of loving anyone. After the whole Burke thing I think she has shut that part of herself down."

Derek nodded he could understand that. "So, is your problem that she doesn't love you, or that you don't _believe_ she loves you. I mean does she have to be in love with you or love you... Does it matter?"

Owen took a pause to think. "It wouldn't matter... if she... she..." But he sighed and didn't finish his thought, just it gave up frustrated.

Derek sighed in his own frustration. Cristina and Meredith had their own language and they could understand a lot of meaning through a few disconnected words, he didn't have their skill, and he and Owen weren't that close. So Owen was going to have to spell it out, draw a diagram, something.

"She only says I love you during sex... " Said Owen, a bit embarrassed at having to be so personal. But he needed to say what was on his mind. "and, I'd like to hear it at other times in our lives."

"Oh..."

"I support Cristina and wanted to give her time, but she's only managed to say I love you during sex... Does she love me, or does she just love... _it?" _Owen stood up from the bench and stepped around in front of Derek, kicking at odd bits of gravel under his feet.

Again Derek had been there with Meredith, sort of. He knew the pattern, the fears. "But you know it's not the words Owen, it's the feeling. She's not saying the words when you need to hear them and you're feeling insecure. But she loves you it's obvious to me at least. Don't you get that feeling?"

"The feeling that I'm getting is that she is hiding behind the 'physical' part of our relationship. That's the feeling I'm getting. I am doing my best not push her, scare her. But I want to move forward. _'Sexcapades'_ while fun, are not moving us forward. If we stay simmering in this spot, what we could have, might be lost... "

"Is this about your platoon?" Wondered Derek.

"... W...What?" Owen faltered.

"Are you frightened that if you don't 'do' something with Cristina that she and your relationship will be lost like your platoon, like one day she'll be gone?"

Owen looked confused. The connection hadn't occurred to him. It made for a good argument but that wasn't what he was trying to say to Derek. "Not everything is about my platoon Derek. This is about wanting a future with my girlfriend, but not seeing a future, because she is not willing to express herself beyond being physical."

"I think this is more about your platoon than you realise." Derek countered softly. "But we'll address Cristina for the moment."

They spoke about it. Derek surmised that Owen was feeling insecure and he was panicking. This was Cristina Yang they were talking about. If Owen expected Cristina to be expressive he would have a long wait. Maybe Owen didn't know Cristina as well as he thought he did. He at least didn't know her before, when she was with Burke and before that. She _had _come a long way, maybe this _was_ all Owen was going to get, but it wasn't bad, considering what she was like, before.

"Have you spoken to her about this?" Derek folded his arms.

"I'm talking to you about this. "

"Well I ..."

"I love her Derek. I feel like a love sick fool sometimes, but if she only loves... it... and not me, then I am wasting my time. "

"Owen, I think you're getting carried away. Until you sit down and talk to Cristina, you have no idea that she loves ... it... and not you, and for my money. I think she loves you."

"You _think?_"

Derek sighed. "Cristina is not an I love you kind of girl Owen. She's different. I mean I don't think I've seen her smile more than about three times in my life, and I've never heard her laugh. Not ever, at least not beyond a snicker. But, I have heard that she's cried Owen, over you, and more than once. There are people in this hospital that would pay good money to see Cristina Yang cry. She cares about you. She's happy. She appears to be extremely happy. I mean you didn't know her before. She was... unbearable... To me at least. Perhaps you're apprehensive because you love her. Love is scary sometimes Owen."

Owens jaw clenched. "I'm not a nervous teenager Derek. I look at her and tell her I love her and she looks away, or holds me, but she never says it back."

"Do you need to hear it back?"

"After one year Sheppard. I need to hear it back. I don't know the intricacies of Meredith's personality, but I am sure you haven't had to twist her arm to hear those words. I am sure over dinner, at the kitchen sink, over laundry, while you were eating popcorn, wherever, I'm sure she has looked you in the eye and said plainly and simply "I love you." Owen ground the gravel under his feet and sat back down on the bench. Their half an hour was drawing to a close.

Derek knew he had been through a lot of things with Meredith, a lot of back and forth, false starts, upsets, fears, arguments. He tread carefully so as not to scare her, but once she was ready to commit herself to being brave and investing fully in their relationship she said I love you like it was nothing. Which under analysis could be troubling in and of itself, but she had said it, and he felt that she meant it. He knew she meant it. Cristina, well she was a different matter. Cristina was, well she was Cristina. Derek washed his face with his hands and blew a heavy breath out.

"You need to have a discussion with her about this? I don't know what you want me to say Owen. I don't think the problem you think you have, is a problem." Derek shrugged. "She's Cristina." He got to his feet. "I'm not going to tell you to finish with her, I'm not Mark. You need to talk to her, and if she only says I love you when you are doing 'it' then stop doing 'it' and see what happens."

When Owen stood up Derek grasped his shoulder for a few seconds. "What do you think might happen if you went on strike?"

Owens smile was light but his answer was serious. "I am almost afraid to find out. That's all we've been doing lately."

"Hmn." Said Derek as he led Owen back inside the hospital. "Then you need to put her to the test."


	4. FOUR

**FOUR**

Inside the hospital from the bridge Meredith watched her post it husband Derek, and Owen, through the glass, talking outside on the small roof terrace on the floor below her. Her arms were folded and pressed onto the metal support rail that ran the width of the glassed wall in front of her. She contently took in the sight below. She'd been watching them for a few moments not really thinking anything, except that Derek might look up and see her. But when she noted that Owens head remained low between his shoulder blades during their conversation and that Derek patted Owen on the shoulder more than once, and that Owen jumped to his feet more than once, she became curious and stood a while longer looking trying to lip read, which was difficult as most of the time the men had their backs to her.

Just then Cristina idled up, scrub cap in hand. "Whatcha doing?" She asked mimicking Meredith's pose.

"What do you think those two are talking about? " Meredith wondered nodding out the window.

Cristina followed her friend's eye line and shrugged. "Us of course."

"That's what I thought. What have you done?" Accused Meredith.

"Me! I haven't done anything. What have you done?"

"I don't know." Meredith said pushing her hands into her lab coat.

Cristina turned around and leaned her back against the metal rail; folding her arms she cocked her foot flat against the vertical post of the rail. "Last night, me and Owen had the most amazing sex. We..."

"...Yes. Thank you..." Interrupted Meredith.

"...You know that guy is amazing, he does this thing where he...."

"Cristina."

"...It's like he gets his tongue and he..."

"Cristina!"

"Alright, alright, we're on the men talking..." Cristina leant off the rail and turned around, focusing her attention on the outside.

"Owen. Owen is talking. "Stated Meredith. "And Derek is supporting."

"So what are they talking about?"

"Us." Said Meredith. "Us. What did you do?"

"I didn't do anything. You probably used up Mc Dreamy's conditioner or something."

"Owen looks unhappy and Derek looks concerned."

Cristina wasn't concerned. "Unless Owen is crying over the great sex we had, which I doubt because I was awesome. Maybe he is giving McDreamy some bedroom ideas for you tonight."

"Or maybe Derek is giving GI Joe support because his girlfriend is pathetic..." Snarked Meredith. "Aren't you in the least bit curious?"

"No. I'm not."

"You're not curious as to why Derek and Owen are having a heart to heart in the middle of the afternoon at the hospital."

Cristina took a closer look out of the window. "I wasn't until you put it like that." Owen did appear troubled, or something.

"How about we divide and conquer." Suggested Meredith. "You take yours and I'll take mine and we'll confer at close of business tonight in the locker room."

"I don't need to confer Nancy Drew. I'll just ask Owen and he'll tell me." Cristina began to move off, but the unsure look on Meredith's face took the mischief out of the situation. "Wait... Are you worried about anything in particular did you and McDreamy have a fight or something... "

Meredith shook her head but her hands were pushing far into her pockets. "Well... We did have a thing last night. It was a little thing, but it was a thing..."

"A sexual thing?" Gasped Cristina close to her person. "

"A thing about Lexie and Mark!" Meredith bit, trying not to smile. "We're having dinner tomorrow night with my father at Boehme's and the little sister and Mark thing is still a bit too much for Derek."

"Yuk. I think Mark is trying to become the next Sheppard, "said Cristina.

"That's Derek's guess too. Anyway, tonight should be 'fun'. You should come and bring Owen."

"So you can do your Dr Wyatt assessment type thing on him. While I watch McSteamy and Lexipedia make eyes over desert. All while sitting next to the delightful Derek McDreamy and 'perky'papa Grey? No thanks. I think Owen and I will have a much better time doing other things, if you know what I mean..."

Meredith made a face. "You know you really have become unbearable. I wouldn't be surprised if Owen is complaining to Derek about all the sex he has to have with you. It must be quite difficult."

"Oh, I don't think so." Cristina danced away.


	5. FIVE

**FIVE**

After the doors closed to the conference room Richard began his meeting with his attendings. But even before Richard started talking, Owen was thinking about what Derek had said to him in the stair well on their way back through the hospital. He had challenged Owen a little frustrated, a little concerned that Owen was experiencing anxiety. Possibly tied in to the many losses he had suffered of people who were close friends to him. People he expected he could count on. Friends that loved him and would cover his back if Owen needed them too. When he lost his friends, his family of friends, all in one go; it undoubtedly shook him and lodged in him a myriad of issues he'd been dealing with in his year with Cristina. Now things had levelled off and he had a grip of some sense of normalcy in his life and relationship and his work, Owen, stated Derek, was apprehensive over the next bomb dropping so to speak and was trying to get out of the way. Cristina, because she wasn't saying I love you when Owen needed to hear it in the way he needed to hear it, heightened his nerves and made him jumpy as he couldn't guarantee her sticking around and so subconsciously, or consciously he was frightened that she would be lost too. It was understandable Derek said, but totally unreal. He urged Owen to talk with Cristina. Owen knew what Derek was saying was right.

***

Minutes before the meeting with Richard and the other attendings in the conference room. Derek found himself pressed up against a wall in the third floor on call room by Meredith. Her hands trailing over his body and kisses planted over his face and neck. Her body pressed into his. She got straight to the point, apologised for their spat the night before and asked why he was talking to Owen on the roof. Derek gave more answers than he should have and five minutes later Meredith was out the door straightening her hair and on the way to find Cristina.

Since the choking incident. Meredith had kept her eye on Owen, and Cristina. She let Owen know through her gestures and her attitude that she was watching out for her friend. Once Cristina had made the decision to give Owen yet another chance Meredith had to reluctantly let go and let the two of them be a couple and not interfere, especially after Cristina had reluctantly promised, but had undergone some therapy with Dr Wyatt. And far as Owen was concerned, Meredith couldn't fault him. She hated that she had to like him after the choking but she had to admit that he was making her friend happy. While Cristina wasn't Izzie light she was softer around the edges and enjoying being a girlfriend to her boyfriend. So when Mer spotted Owen and Derek on the terrace, with Owen appearing troubled, it had made her curious and now with the information Derek handed her, old fears about Owen hurting her resurfaced at top speed.

Cristina was standing at the surgery board next Bailey and another doctor making idle conversation. "Cristina!"

Cristina looked to Dr Bailey who said. "Go Yang, we're done here for the day."

Meredith all but dragged Cristina down the hall to an empty nurse's station. "What did you find out?" She urged.

"Nothing," Replied Cristina. "I haven't seen Owen yet. "

"Well I know what's going on!"

"Wow, that was fast. Pony up; what did McDreamy have to say for himself?" Cristina wriggled her fingers at Meredith.

"Owen ... is breaking up with you!" Meredith blurted out.

"What!_"_

"Seriously. That's what Derek said." Meredith hands in lab coat, recited the following. "Owen doesn't know if he wants to be with you anymore. You hold back on your emotions and he can't take it any longer."

"Meredith. Stop. You're good. I bought it for all of a... _second_, now what's going on with you and McDreamy."

"I'm serious Cristina, Owen is thinking of breaking up with you."

"Oh so now he's only _thinking_ of breaking up with me. Come on Mer."

"That's what Derek told me."

"Right..."

"I had to use my womanly charms to get it out of him."

"Okay Meredith." Cristina walked away down the hall.

"I broke him in about a minute, which I think is a record for us."

"McDreamy's on acid." Cristina said stopping in her tracks. "I was with Owen last night and he was loving me. We had..."

"...Great sex... Yes I know. "

Cristina turned to face her friend. "Not just great sex, fantastic sex, blow you mind sex. You couldn't image it in your wildest dreams sex. He danced for me for god sake. There's no way we're breaking up. I'm going to find Owen myself, find out what's up with my poor red headed lover."

Meredith grabbed Cristina as she turned to walk away. "Wait, what? Owen danced for you?"

"Shh..." Cristina waved.

"Owen danced for you?" Meredith laughed.

"It was part of the... you know...last night." Cristina lowered her voice. "He danced and then he went down south if you know what I mean and gave me the best you know what..."

"Alright!" Meredith held up her hand. "You know...He's probably exhausted, or suffering from toxic shock syndrome, I'm sure there's only so much Yang he can take."

"Very funny I'm going to find Owen. I'll meet you in the locker room in ten minutes."

Cristina shook her head, walking back to the nurses' station she reached over the desk and picked up the phone, she dialled Owens number, and when he paged her back she went to meet him.


	6. SIX

**SIX**

"Hey lover."

"Hey."

"I haven't seen you much all day. You okay?" She gave him a small, but concerned smile.

"I'm a little tired, but otherwise... Are you finished?"

"Yup, I'm just going to change..."

"Right."

Cristina looked at Owen and Owen looked at Cristina. He did look tired. Exhausted actually.

"You look terrible." She said. "No offense."

"None taken." He gave a weak smile. "Probably all the sex my girlfriend has been making me have."

Something about the way he said it made her uncomfortable. "Am I _making_ you do it?"

"Ignore me." Owen waved and stepped towards her. On any other occasion he would have taken the opportunity to kiss her. They were alone, no one was around, but he didn't touch her. Cristina leant in and pressed her lips against his. She trailed her hands up the sides of his arms, grasping him a little. He didn't really respond, just let her do her thing, when she pulled away he just looked at her.

She cleared her throat. "Uh...Meredith said you looked sad today, she said she saw you talking to Derek. Everything alright?"

Owen took a good hard look at Cristina, and she could tell he was deciding whether to talk to her now, or put it off. He pulled away from her.

"I just want to go home and sleep right now, but tomorrow night we can meet at Joe's or I can come to your apartment after work."

"Or we could just meet for lunch or breakfast." She said bemused.

"We'll both be busy with working tomorrow." He said.

She hesitated with a nod. "Right... That's lame, but whatever, I'll see you tomorrow night then I guess..."

"Are _you _alright?" Asked Owen.

"I was. I just thought we might see each other tonight, that, or talk about whatever's on your mind. You seem to have something on your mind."

They stared at each other again.

"We can do this tomorrow night." Owen rubbed at his eyes.

"Yeah, you're tired. Got it. Okay." She reached up to kiss him. "I'll see you tomorrow night then. " She paused and cleared her throat.

Cristina left Owen and went to find Meredith, who was in the locker room. "Damn you and McDreamy!" She said heavily. "Why couldn't you leave me in my ignorance?" She sat down hard on a bench and began to pull off her work clothes, starting with her shoes, which she flung against the lockers one by one.

Meredith sat down beside her.

"What did he say?"

Cristina breathed heavily, momentarily panicked. "It was the way he acted. He has definitely got something on his mind." She said, "I don't know what. But I don't get it. Everything has been so good. I have been loving. I have been supportive..."

"So he didn't say _anything_?" Wondered Meredith.

"You didn't see his face. I couldn't ask."

"You're scared?"

Cristina pulled off her top and sat slouched over in her bra for a moment, before dragging herself to her feet and unlocking her locker. She pulled out her sweater and pushed her arms through it pulling it down over her head.

"This isn't easy for me Mer. I'm allowed to get scared - but if you tell anyone that I'll slice you with my scalpel."

"What the hell's been going on with you and Owen Cristina and I want the truth?"

"Nothing! We had sex last night. He left my place this morning, I came to work. Everything was fine."

She pulled off her scrub bottoms and pushed her legs through the legs of her jeans. "This is like Burke, the sequel." Cristina grabbed up her shoes from floor and shoved them into her locker. She pulled out her lace up ankle boots and moving back to sit on the bench set about putting them on and lacing them up.

"This is nothing like Burke." Meredith countered. They eyed each other for a moment.

"Isn't it? I'm skipping along thinking everything is hunky dory and being the supportive girlfriend, _I'm trying, _and my boyfriend wakes up and decides things aren't working for him. What's his problem? I can't do this again. I can't." Cristina stood up, made a grab for her jacket. Flinging it over her arm, she grabbed her bag and left the changing room.

Before stepping into the elevator, she paused a moment, pulling out her cell phone from her bag she called Owens number and left a message. "Um, hi, I er... forgot. I have this thing with Meredith tomorrow night, so we'll have to talk some other time. Thursday maybe. "

She hung up. She was a thinker and needed time to think.


	7. SEVEN

**SEVEN **

"Owen, there you are." Derek breathed. "I er... think I may have put my foot in it."

His shift was over and so was Owens. He caught up with Owen as he waited for the elevator to take him down and out of the hospital. Once inside Derek explained how Meredith had tackled him in the on call room earlier and asked about their talk on the sunroof. "I may have said a bit too much. I'm sorry."

Owen shrugged. The elevator doors opened on the main floor and the men walked towards the exit. Meredith was already outside the hospital waiting for Derek so they could head for home together. The look on her face when she saw Owen made Derek swallow.

"Maybe you better find Cristina." He whispered.

At Meredith's side Derek greeted her with a kiss on the cheek, her eyes remained on Owen's face.

"Have you seen Cristina?" Owen asked Meredith politely but boldly. He had been through that look with her many times and was no longer intimidated by it, just annoyed.

"No. I haven't."

"Sorry." Said Derek gently towards Owen.

"I saw her about half an hour ago," Owen continued unmoved. "I've called her cell but it's going straight to voicemail."

"I wonder why." Meredith murmured through gritted teeth.

Owen continued to politely battle with Meredith. Their relationship could change in an instant he knew that. He was smart enough to maintain diplomacy at all times, even when, like now, he wanted to tell Meredith to grow up. "Did she leave the hospital?" He asked.

"How would I know."

Derek gripped Meredith's waist '_take it easy' _he conveyed with a firm press.

"Well if you see her or she calls you, let her know I'll be at home." Said Owen. " and I'll catch up with her tomorrow."

'_Don't count on it._' Was the look Meredith gave Owen.

The patchy friendship that had developed between them over a long trying year evaporated. Owen sighed and wished them a good night and excused himself.

Meredith was like a bear protecting a cub when she was 'looking out for' Cristina. Cristina was the same with Derek, only she was more vicious, definitely a tigress ready to rip Derek's head off at the slightest misstep. For four people who spent a lot of time together, in life and work and leisure, he didn't know why it had to be so difficult to like and accept each other's partners. Now he had to find Cristina to make certain Meredith hadn't led her down the wrong path with assumptions and tattle. Doing damage control with those two ladies was exhausting he and Derek talked about it over drinks all the time.

*

In minutes Owen was knocking at Cristina's apartment door, but being driven off by Callie.

"I'm sorry Owen, she's not here. It's just me and Arizona... Yup, just me and my girlfriend. "

"Well have you seen her tonight?"

" Er... she said something about going to dinner with Meredith; I don't think she'll be back until late. I can tell her you came by though..."

It was embarrassing for both of them as Owen knew Callie was lying and Callie knew he knew. She would kill Cristina. Owen gave Callie that hang dog look she knew so well. Where she wanted to just pull him inside the apartment and wrap him in a blanket and spoon feed him some soup. Take care of him.

"I'll see you at work tomorrow Owen. I'll mention you came by." Calliope Torres shut the door and marched straight into Cristina's bedroom, where her roommate was huddled under her duvet, munching her way through a chocolate bar. With nuts.

"You owe me big for that one."

"Sure."

"You didn't see his face. What's happened between you?"

"Nothing."

"He didn't look like it was nothing. He didn't choke you again did he?"

"No! Nothing like that."

Callie stared at her roommate searching her face for the truth, looking closely at her neck.

"Goodbye Callie."

Callie turned slowly on her heels, shaking her head. She pulled in Cristina's bedroom door roughly.

Cristina just needed some time, in the morning she could deal, but tonight, she just needed to eat chocolate. Watch some surgeries, and maybe have a cry. Maybe.


	8. EIGHT

**EIGHT**

"Still trying to steal all the best surgeries by arriving early?" Said Bailey as she walked towards Cristina in the changing rooms. "An extra hour of sleep is probably more valuable at this point Yang, but you don't care about that do you?"

Cristina straddling the bench was sitting in her bra top with her head down. It seemed that she hadn't made a decision as to what to do with the shirt she had in her hands.

"Yang? "Bailey called again. Dr Bailey walked over and leant into her face. "Yang?"

"Sorry Dr Bailey?"

"Its 4.30 in the morning Yang. Your shift starts at 5.30. You live across the street. What're you doing here so early?"

Cristina didn't answer.

"You okay?"

Cristina pondered. This was exactly one of those clichéd life moments where she would have called her mother, if she were a call your mother to talk about man problems type, and if her mother was a non judgemental, I'll listen to anything you have to say about your man problems type mother. Of course it wasn't even a scenario she could even imagine and if she weren't so sad she would laugh at the idea of calling her mother to talk. But she did need to talk to someone. Instead she let a tear fall. To heck with being Cristina Yang, she had been a practising Yang for 29 years and where had it gotten her? She was going to try being Izzie light or being one of those pathetic teary eyed patients. It was 4.30 am, there was no witness around but Bailey, and so she gave up for a moment and cried. Shocking the heck out of her senior resident.

"_Cristina?" _Bailey gasped concerned._ "You_ want to talk about it?"

When Cristina didn't say or do anything, Bailey sat down on the bench near to her. Even though they were second year residents they were still her babies. Bailey could be Miranda for a few minutes. "Is this about Dr Hunt?"

Cristina shook her head. "This is about me." She said eventually. "I've got a great surgery today and I'm sitting here upset, sad over... over..." She looked at Baileys softening face and scoffed. "I used to be upset when I didn't get the surgery I wanted. I'm supposed to be focused on being the best resident in my program and the best surgeon. Instead I'm... "She covered her hands with her face massaging her skin. "...First Burke and now here's Dr Hunt fucking it all up for me. Sorry for my language." She muttered quietly. "What's happened to me Dr Bailey? I've turned into some pathetic girly... girl."

She swung her head up to catch Dr Baileys eyes.

Miranda put a light touch on Cristina's knee with her hand. This was a familiar conversation that last happened in the Dr Burke aftermath if she wasn't mistaken. "And what's wrong with that Cristina? You're a woman in love with a good man, a good, handsome man who also happens to be an excellent surgeon. It's bound to affect you in some way when you have problems. I might not have always liked Dr Hunt but I respect him. But I don't think Dr Hunt would be trying to fuck anything up for you – as you say – I think you're doing that all by yourself and Cristina you need to fix it. Fix it or snap out of it, and I can say that without knowing any of the details."

Cristina looked at Bailey. More than being admonished by her or at hearing Bailey swear, Cristina was surprised at Bailey saying her first name. Her tone was gentle and she caressed her first name with care. _Cristina._ Not with the usual aggressive dragging out of the name Yang.

"And for the record." Miranda continued. "Burke, as excellent a man, surgeon and a teacher as he was, he loved himself more than he loved you, he did what he had to do for him, it had nothing too much to do with you, don't feel bad about it, it's just the way it was and it was a smart move. He needed to protect his career and his heart, and in doing so, he protected your career and your heart too."

Cristina and Bailey kept eye contact; Miranda was nodding comfortingly for a moment. Then she changed her tone and sat up from Cristina, taking her hand from her knee and reaching under her coat to unpin her lapel watch, clean it, shine it up, blow on it a couple of times and then fasten it back.

"You girls, yes and George and Alex too! I've told you all do not date your colleagues but do you listen? No! And then you have all this drama happen and what do I get? Teary eyed, emotionally fragile residents trying to operate! No one held a gun to your head and said date Burke or date Hunt, you did that yourself because you wanted to, so Cristina deal with it. Whatever you got going on with Dr Hunt, whatever is making you shed these little tears here, deal with it. Have a plan for when matters of the heart hit you."

"_I _don't even know what happened." Cristina complained rubbing away at her tears. Still sitting in her bra top she balled her hair into a bunned bundle, staring at Dr Bailey she mumbled quietly. "But I'm not expecting you to understand."

"What! You think I haven't been in love before? You're a woman dating her boss at work. It was a recipe for disaster."

"I thought you liked Dr Hunt."

"I do, but you didn't have to date him, did you? You could have kept it professional, but you didn't so deal with it."

"I thought I was in control of the situation this time." Cristina grumbled. "But something happened somewhere and I have no idea what it was." She shrugged. "Maybe I am not cut out to be with people; maybe I should just stick to my work."

"That might be a good start." Said Bailey.

Cristina gave her a look, hard at first then softer as Bailey wasn't backing down. She filled her arms into her scrub top, deciding at last to put it on.

"I had a mentor here at this hospital," Bailey said after a long period of silence and of looking at Cristina. "A Dr Marianne Murphy. Great lady." Bailey smiled at the memory. "I used to cry to her about my personal problems. She was the only one I spoke to. Most of the time I ran around acting like everything was under control. Still do sometimes, when I forget her advice. If I had a tear in my eye she would say 'So what?' She was tough on me. I thought she didn't understand. But she was making me know that everything was in my control, and that I had a say in all the choices I was making. As a woman she understood my problems, but she didn't let me off the hook. Cristina you're going to be the same way. When you're a top surgeon you'll tell your female interns. 'So what? Deal with it!' Why? Not because you don't understand their plight. But because you know _exactly_ how they feel. Think I haven't been here at 4 in the morning because Tuck made me mad. I have. _Plenty of times_. Or that I haven't sat on that very bench wondering just how I am going to raise a child who won't hate me for working all these hours and missing his important moments in life. Suck it up.

You're in charge of your focus, not Dr Hunt. Things are hard enough in this job, torture sometimes. Dr Murphy would say to me. '_Do you think anyone cares if you have a fight with your husband or that he doesn't take out the trash, or that you're on your period or that you don't have child care today. No? No one cares. Your patient still needs operating on, and your colleagues will just add your misery to their list of things to count you out and compete against you.'_ And I would always have a _'but you don't understand'_ for her.

'_We are women Miranda,' _She would say._ 'We will cry and feel the heartbreak, we are more emotional. It's just the way it is. But others will think we're weak, we will think we're weak. We will have a multitude of issues that no one can relate to or care about. But if we just remind ourselves that we are the best damned thing since sliced bread, then it will help us to maintain our focus. You're brilliant aren't you Miranda?'_ She would say. And isn't she right? Aren't I the best damn resident on the planet to y'all? "

Cristina smiled despite herself.

Bailey got to her feet. 'We plan for our monthly periods better than we do for real life events. You're having your second work relationship with your second boss. You've already been here. You know how this could end. You know you can get hurt. Yet you sit here and say 'something happened and I don't know what went wrong? It's already wrong, but that's not my judgement. What's your plan Dr Yang? What are you doing to keep your focus, to keep your edge when your love issues hit you at work? Come in early mornings and cry? Is that your plan? I think you're better than that."

Miranda Bailey pressed down hard on Cristina's shoulder emphasising her words, because she wanted Yang to hear her. "It's not difficult Cristina, but you are making it painful. I need you to remember that you still have your focus and that you still do have your purpose and you are still the best damn best resident in your program and you will still be an exceptional surgeon." Baileys tone was firm but gentle. "But there is a time and a place for love, and a time and a place for work. So whatever is going on talk to Dr Hunt. Deal with it! And when I say deal with it, I don't just mean suck it up. I mean _deal with it_. Let him know he hurt you if he did. Get it out of your system, so that you can groove with your edge today. Take a little more time to think if you need it. But don't sit with this Cristina. Don't fight with yourself over this, I saw what happened to you after Burke, learn. Do not wear yourself out by coming in at 4 in the morning because you can't sleep, or steal the best surgeries so you can cut and suture until you feel better. Yeah I know it because I used to do the same thing myself because Tuck had me mad about _something."_

Bailey patted Cristinas shoulder and she couldn't resist just touching the tips of Cristina's exploding curls from her bun. "Come on get dressed, you can buy me a coffee before the others get here and tell me what actually happened. This time I'll let you do the talking."


	9. NINE

**NINE**

Owens phone had gone silent. Cristina hadn't returned any of his pages, or phone calls and she hadn't called him in the day, not once. That was not like her. She was definitely avoiding him, obviously stewing over whatever Meredith had told her but what that was he didn't know. He had a surgery to attend, but after that, if she wasn't busy, they were going to talk.

*

Bailey was right. She was Cristina Yang, even though she loved Owen and they were going out together, he was a guy and she was a girl, and while she was at work, she was a kick ass bad ass doctor rocking surgeries. The girly confusion and depression and chocolate munching could wait until she got home, and really she was over crying and filling her face. She was explaining all of this to Meredith and Izzie and Alex, as they late lunched in the cafeteria. They listened amused while Cristina ranted between bites of her salad. She had surgeries to rock. She had a name to make for herself in the Seattle Grace history books, not freak out over some guy thing. The gang looked to one another and smiled. While Cristina was defining the exact path of greatness she was going to travel in the next few years, one by one they looked over her shoulder and kept their stares there.

"What?" She mumbled after a while, her mouth full of lettuce leaves.

Alex nodded over her shoulder. "McDude at three o'clock."

The gang sat and watched as Cristina tried to appear nonchalant. Owen did his best to ignore the staring, but pretending not to stare pairs of eyes. Except Meredith, she stared at Owen and didn't hide the fact that she was glaring.

"Cristina?" He walked round the table so that Cristina could see him.

"Owen." She munched concentrating on her salad.

"You all right?" he asked puzzled and a bit embarrassed at her demeanour.

"Awesome." She said.

They had long gotten past the secrecy of their relationship so speaking in front of her friends wasn't a big deal, just a bit awkward.

"I just wanted to know about tonight, are we still on? Do you want me to come and get you at the apartment or do you want to meet me at Joes? I'm off at eight."

Cristina couldn't deal with Owen right then. She knew they would have to have a talk about what was or wasn't going on between them. But until she could get a control on her emotions, that talk wasn't going to be anytime soon, she kept her tone light and tried to buy time.

"Meredith and I have a thing remember? I left you a message."

"You didn't say what the thing was."

She looked at him "Do I have to?"

"Well, is it a thing I can pick you up from? Is it an early thing, a late thing, what?"

Meredith, Alex and Izzie's, heads pitched back and forth like they were watching tennis, Yang's turn.

"It's just a thing with my friend. I can have things with my friends. You have things in private with your friends don't you?"

"Well when you have finished your thing with your friend." Here Owen looked at both her and Meredith. "Can you call me?"

"If it's not late, if I'm not tired. I'll see."

He kept his gaze on her. They stared each other out. "Well. I finish at eight. You know what to do, when you finish your 'thing'. " Said Owen. Then he left.

Alex chuckled through the rest of his lunch.


	10. TEN

**TEN**

Just to be sure, just so he knew, Owen asked Derek if he knew about any 'thing' with Cristina and Meredith. There was a dinner at Boehme's restaurant with Meredith's father but as far as he knew Cristina was no part of it. Owen thanked Derek and stood for a minute thinking about Cristina. He wasn't seconds into his thoughts when Bailey, descended on him, from nowhere it felt like, and without pause used five of the thirty minutes they had before their surgery together, to give him some unwelcome and he felt, inappropriate advice about Cristina. Owen fumed as Bailey claimed an intimate acquaintance with him that allowed her to comment on his relationship with Cristina and on what he should and could be doing differently, so that one of her babies wouldn't find it necessary to be crying in the hospital instead of concentrating on becoming a great surgeon.

The surgery they did together was one of the most tense Owen had been involved in, in his time at Seattle Grace Hospital and he couldn't wait for it to be over. He respected Bailey he really did, but he felt that she had over stepped her boundaries. Whatever the something that was going on with him and Cristina, he was still an attending and her boss. Her frank and familiar manner grated him and the minute they stepped into the scrub room to clean up, Owen pulled rank in clear language letting her know he didn't appreciate her interference before. Bailey stuttered an apology, she knew her place, she didn't want to piss off Hunt, that wasn't her intention. She just felt protective of Cristina's future. Although she wasn't over the moon they were dating, she honestly hoped they could work their differences out. It had just bothered her to see Yang upset and uncharacteristically unsure of herself. Owen accepted her apology and they called a truce and that was it.

*

Owen did his detective work and found Cristina standing at the surgery board. He took the cloth and scrubbed out her name as it was written and penned in Alex Karev. He grabbed her arm and led her away towards his office which happened to be on the floor above. He pulled her into and up the stairwell.

"Wh.. What are you doing?" Cristina balked resisting his pull.

"We need to talk." Owen said firmly marching her up the stairs.

"I don't have ... time for a... talk. I'm scrubbing in... on Sloane's surgery..."

"You're not scrubbing in on any surgery today, I've arranged it. You are on my service today, and right now you and I are in a conference." He whirled her firmly into his small office and shut the door behind them. Pressing one hand against the door, his other hand moved between them as he talked.

"Now, what is it, why are you avoiding me..?"

Cristina looked at him, he looked at Cristina. She didn't say anything, just shoved her hands in her lab coat pockets and put her head down.

"Why is Bailey giving me advice that I do not appreciate, about me and you? Why does Meredith look like she wants to kill me and why is Callie lying to me about where you are. Why didn't she want to let me in the apartment last night?"

Here Cristina glanced at him for a second.

"What is it I am supposed to have done, and why aren't you willing to talk to me about it, why all the avoiding, Bailey said you were crying! I thought we were past this sort of thing. Talk to me please Cris." He only called her Cris on rare occasions, it wasn't her favourite expression of her name, but she let him get away with it sometimes.

She tried to avoid his eyes. Those baby blues were a killer, especially when they looked all sad and desperate like that.

They had had many exchanges during their relationship and so he knew what worked and what didn't. He stepped up and leant into her. She could smell his light cologne. He was close enough for her to feel his breath flutter across her face, and feel his heart beat through his clothes she was sure. One hand went up her arm, over her shoulder, slide up the back of her neck and settled at the back of her head, in her hair. He massaged her with little spine tingling movements. Cristina had to step back because if she didn't, she would push him against a wall and slide her tongue down his throat. She let her movements appear as casual as possible. Damn Owen.

Turning away she walked around his desk and pretended to fidget with something. His office was small, cluttered and uncharacteristically untidy. The message board was layered with paper and notes and articles torn from magazines. There was a red wooden apple that Cristina had given him, which he used as a paper weight on his desk. She intentionally picked it up and turned it over in her hands as a means of having something to do as she thought. There were books and papers stacked high on one corner of his desk next to his computer. One false move and she could send things crashing to the floor. She considered it just to avoid any discussion with him. She was trying to get up the courage she needed to hear about his talk with McDreamy and what that meant to them as a couple.

Owen was waiting. He looked at her. She felt a little sorry for him, because he was upset, genuinely so, but so was she. She also felt a little puffed up and delighted with the fact she had some good friends who were willing, based on the little tread of information she had shared with them, they were willing to stand up for her and defend her and protect her. It was more than she asked for – somehow she was going to let them know, in her own way, that she was grateful.

"Cristina!"

She put the apple down on his desk with a thud. Papers shivered but didn't fall.

"I'm not sure I appreciate you using your rank to get me thrown off a surgery so that we can talk about our relationship."

"Whether you like it or not in this hospital I am your boss and so..."

"...Oh, and so you can just do what you want?"

"You haven't been answering my calls."

"This is a teaching hospital Dr Hunt, and I am here to learn, not to answer your phone calls. You yourself said we'd be too busy working to even have lunch together. Oh, but you're my boss, so you can change the rules whenever you feel like it?"

"Cristina." Owen sighed.

"Dr Hunt?"

He was honestly trying to pin this on her. Make her silence her fault. All she had done was be a loving supportive girlfriend and he was the one who decided overnight that wasn't good enough for him. But before running it by her, he cried to McDreamy and now he was all upset and pulling her off surgeries because she had decided to keep her dignity and not kill him in front of his fellow attendings. Seriously.

"Seriously?" She said.

"What?"

"Seriously!" She said louder. "You seriously..." She couldn't bring her words out. So they just stared at each other. Until Cristina decided to forget about it all, and made for the office door, pulling it open. Owen reacted by stepping forward and putting his hand on it to shut it, but the look she gave him made him realise holding her in his office wasn't going to get them anywhere, so he put his hand down and stepped away from the door.

Cristina froze for some moments, thinking. She closed his office door slowly, taking her time to face him her hurt expression written clearly over her face. "Seriously Owen, you're breaking up with me?" She hated herself for those words, they sounded so desperate and pathetic, but it's what she had been thinking about over and over since Meredith hit her with _'Owen's breaking up with you.'_ She hadn't been able to think of anything else. "Seriously?" Her turned down mouth emphasised her hurt. "You had to go to McDreamy about us? McDreamy of all people."

"I..."

"..Instead of coming to me you go to Sheppard, and now you're upset with _me _because I won't talk to you?" Cristina was upset. "So what did he say, your little friend? And what did you say about me exactly, about us?"

"I went to speak to someone about what I was feeling." Owen brought his tone down to manage the situation. "Hasn't that been the point? Aren't I supposed to talk my feelings over with my friends?"

"Ha!" Cristina laughed. The irony, Dr Wyatt had certainly earned her money. "Aren't you the one who asked me to meet you in the middle? Why couldn't you talk to me? Why Derek?"

"Is that your focus Cristina? _Sheppard!_ Is that what you care about, Derek Sheppard? Not us, but what _Derek_ has to say about us! This isn't about Sheppard!"

"No it's about you!" She charged. "Talking to others about where we are; and that hurts. I have to hear from _Meredith_ that our relationship is over. _What happened?"_

Owens blue eyes pleaded. "It's not like that Cristina; I didn't say I was breaking up with you."

"But you discussed it..?" She fired off.

He couldn't lie. "Yes... but it doesn't mean..."

"It's as good as Owen! When you discuss with a 'friend' that you want to break up with your girlfriend, it's as good as, it means you've been thinking a lot about it." She rifled her hand through her hair, dislodging bundled locks. "What happened between us? What did I miss? Everything was great the other night." She took a pause processing what she had just said. She stared long and hard at him her sadness not disappearing from her features. "Did something happen the other night. Did I upset you or something?"

He sighed and reached a hand to touch her hair.

A feeling of nausea overwhelmed her for a moment, and she breathed through her nose to quell it. She felt dizzy and panicked all at once. It was a strange sensation, one she hadn't experienced in a long time. She had to get out of his office. She didn't really want to hear what he had to say, but knew she had to deal with it as Dr Bailey had suggested. But she also had to get out of there.

"Owen, if you want us finish, you're going to have to do it. So just do it now, so I can get back to work."

"Cristina, hear me out... I just needed to sort out what was going on for me. Derek gave me the opportunity to talk and he listened."

"How quaint." She shrugged him off.

"Look," He reached for her again, pulling her closer to him. "I want us to work through this, I had things on my mind and I didn't know if I was being unfair, I just needed someone to talk to, not you, but..."

"...Wow." Cristina strained to keep herself from tearing up. Ridiculous he was having this affect on her.

"I'm in love with you Cristina, but I'm unsure how you really feel. I need to hear you tell me how you feel. I didn't think it mattered until the other night. We've spent weeks, months together, having fun, having sex, playing your little games, living out your little fantasies but... I don't know, is it all about the sex for you? Do we have anything more here, I thought we did, but I'm not sure you do. No matter how far along we go, you've never found it in yourself to tell me you love me, not often anyway. But I need to hear it. I didn't know before but I need to hear you tell me you love me. " Owen realised how ridiculous and adolescent and desperate he sounded, but it's what he felt. It's what he'd been feeling and thinking about in the last couple of days.

"I don't say I love you and so you're going to dump me? You're amazing!"

Owen released his grip from her arm and placed his palm flat on his office door just beside her shoulder, voice carefully controlled. "Sometimes I don't know if we are on the same page with this relationship."

"You're going to have to do better than that. " She shook her head.

"Well answer me, why don't you ever tell me that you love me. I love you Cristina but after all this time if you don't feel the same way, I don't know how we move on. I don't want to be dating my pal. I want marriage and children and a future, with you, but if all you want is endless sexual adventures and quickies in the hospital then I'm not the one for you, I'm not. "

"I thought we were happy." She said stunned but not showing her emotion.

"We are, but where are we going as a couple?" Those baby blues hardened and stared her down again. "I love you Cristina." Owen stated clearly. Cristina could kill him she really could.

"I know..." she said looking away.

"And there's my point."

"You know how I feel!" She cried. "I'm just not an I love you kind of girl."

"That has got to stop being used as an excuse!" He shouted. "I want...it all... with you Cristina! Everything. But I can't focus on where I want to go, if right here you can't get beyond your hang up or fear, or tradition of not being an I love you kind of person. I _am _an I love you kind of person and I need to hear you tell me once in a while, that you love me. If you do."

His last three words hit her like a ton of bricks. Of course she loved Owen. She adored him. She shuddered to think what things were like when he wasn't in her life, and how much better things had gotten since he arrived, she couldn't imagine them not being there for one another. She was disgustingly dependant on him loving her. She was arrogant enough to think that as accepting as he was of her he wouldn't care that she wasn't your typical caring female. Not being an I love you type of person was a badge she embraced, everyone knew and accepted that about her, she was Cristina Yang. She thought he loved that about her.

"I have told you how I feel."

"You can't even say the words now can you, not even to prove a point." The whole thing annoyed him.

"I have told you that I love you." Cristina said simply staring at him. Sick that he had even thought about ending things without one word of warning, or discussion with her.

"During sex doesn't count to me." Owen patted his chest. "The three occasions during sex doesn't count."

Cristina couldn't believe that he had been counting. Well counting was an overstatement; even she knew how many times she had said it. She was keeping tabs herself, but she didn't know he was. She thought she was doing well having said it that many times. She couldn't have been more wrong or felt more terrible that he was keeping count too. The looks they gave each other put their relationship on the very edge of something. What, depended on how this situation resolved itself.

"Four." Said Cristina.

"What?"

"I've said it four times. You forgot July 4th long weekend, we had sex at your apartment. I said it while you were sucking my tits and fingering me." She turned, pulled the door open and left Owen staring after her wide eyed mouth open.


	11. ELEVEN

**ELEVEN**

"Fucking men." Cristina landed her arms on the raised counter at the nurses' station and buried her head. Meredith and Callie looked at each other. "I am being dumped because I don't say I love you."

"What!" Callie cried.

"You were right, Mer. I don't talk about my feelings and so now it's over."

"What?"

"But you're not an I love you type of person." Said Meredith.

"Thank you." Enthused Cristina looking up. "Thank you. See, that's why you're my person. That's why Owen is not my person. You are my person because you understand me. For that..." Cristina faced Meredith who stiffened suspiciously as Cristina approached her. "...Just for understanding me I am going to give you one, a hug." She pressed Meredith quickly in her arms. "And two, I am going to tell you that I love you. Meredith. I love you."

Meredith grinned. "I love you too Cristina Yang."

Callie shook her head smiling.

"You see," Cristina looked at Callie. "You see I am capable of feelings. Owen thinks I am an android."

"He said that?"

"No but he believes me in capable of those three little words."

"And are you?" Callie questioned.

"No." Said Cristina, "But I don't need to be saying it all the time all over the place, I'm not Izzie, or you. Besides... I said it to Burke and he left."

"You told Burke while he was asleep." Prompted Meredith.

Cristina's squint at Meredith read '_you're not helping with comments like that'_. "But I said it and he left and it's traumatised me. I can't just blurt those words out any more."

"Not that you ever did blurt them out before, and Owen is not Burke. " Said Meredith.

Cristina shot Meredith a firm grimace.

"So wait." Callie spun on her swivel chair. "You have never said I love you to Owen?"

"I've said it." Defended Cristina.

It was Meredith's turn to squint at Cristina. "When? When did you say it?"

Cristina leisurely reached over the counter for a pen, and post it note and fake made she was writing a fake note. Meredith snatched it away and repeated her question. Cristina mumbled something. "Say again?" Meredith leaned in.

"During sex." Hissed Cristina then again louder. "During sex okay! Three, no four times during sex, alright! So shoot me. He's dumping me because I say it during sex."

Callie swung her legs onto the desk and flipped her hands behind her head. "Who hasn't said I love you during sex. Heck I'd give out my pin number during sex, if it was good."

"Exactly Callie, no big deal during sex. That's why you're my roommate and Mer is my person. You both get me."

"Actually, you're _my_ roommate." Callie corrected. "Wait, how long have you been with Owen?"

"...A year."

"And you've never told him you love him, except during sex?"

Cristina didn't say anything.

"Not once outside of the bedroom?" Callie sat up. "That's not good. No wonder he's dumping you."

Her friends looked at her.

"_Do_ you love him?" Callie asked.

Cristina's mouth opened but her words didn't come out straight away. Meredith jumped in. "Of course she does."

"...But just saying I love you during sex doesn't count," Surged Callie. "Everyone does it. One good orgasm and I love you pops right on out. You don't even have to mean it; it goes along with good sex. Everyone knows that."

Meredith kind of nodded.

Callie counted out on her fingers."So you've been with Owen a year. You've had sex hundreds of times, I live in the same house so I know, and you _say _you love him, but you've only actually told him three or four times and all those times have been during sex...."

"It really isn't good enough." Said Meredith

"It's not good enough, not with someone like Hunt. " Said Callie. "Who cares so much about you!"

'_That's what he said.'_ Thought Cristina.

"You love someone you just let them know, why are you so scared of that?" Demanded Callie.

"Scared of what..?" Said Izzie sidling up. "What are we talking about?"

"Cristina." Callie stated.

"Hey!" Cristina Balked.

"She's too chicken to tell Owen that she loves him."

"What?"

"Yeah, she only tells him during sex, and she's only said it four times." Callie shook her head.

"Callie!"

"That's shocking!" Izzie accused making a face at Cristina. "Don't you love him?"

"That's what I said." Callie offered.

Cristina raised her eyebrows disapprovingly at Callie. "I don't talk about my personal life at work."

"Bullshit!" Izzie remarked. "It's a simple question. Do you love Hunt or don't you? If you don't why are you wasting his time?"

Cristina hung on those words, not showing their effect on her. "What do you mean?"

"Are you kidding me? I know of at least three nurses and two great surgeons, _female_ surgeons that would put a bag over your head and push you down the stairs for the chance to... you know, with Hunt. If you're not that into him Cristina, tell him and let him go and have fun with someone else. If I didn't have Alex I would definitely think about it. Wouldn't you Mer? I mean Hunt is a passionate sort of guy and I like people who are passionate."

"Yes well, thank you for the _information_. But it's not as simple as that." Said Cristina.

"It is as simple as that." Said Izzie folding her arms. "That's typical of you Cristina, here you have this great guy falling over himself for you, he's at your beck and call. The blind could see how much Hunt gives a dam about you, and you can't be bothered show him some emotion, and don't say your stunted because Burke left you at the altar, you've always been stunted Cristina, and selfish. You couldn't give Burke what he wanted and that's why... "

"...Alright Izzie." Said Meredith.

There was silence, no one moved. Izzie stared at Cristina who stared back at Izzie. Meredith stared at them both and then rested her eyes on Callie who raised her eyebrows at Meredith.

"Well," Said Callie slowly. "I got surgeries... or something." She got to her feet and moved off.

"I'm on duty with Sheppard." Izzie's eyes peeled off Cristina as she walked away.

"She didn't mean all that." Meredith said quietly.

"Oh no? Barbie couldn't wait to get that off her chest. So I don't do I love you's, is that a crime?"

"No, "Said Meredith. "It's a cop out." She patted Cristina's arm and left.


	12. TWELVE

**TWELVE**

Standing at the nurses' station alone, Cristina didn't know what to do with herself. If she cared any, she would feel embarrassed. She had been hiding, and had been horribly exposed in front of her friends. Being bad ass was getting boring to her friends who were sitting in grown up relationships. It wasn't good enough as Meredith had stated. She couldn't hide behind her fears, or behind her image of being a bad ass. Owen meant something to her. Not just a little thing either. She walked away from the nurses' station and back towards Owens office. It was an automatic motion; she didn't really know why she was going that back that way. Approaching it she slowed and thought carefully about what she wanted to do. If she just walked into his office and declared I love you. He wouldn't believe it. She wouldn't believe it, she'd just be saying it to calm him down and prove him wrong, and shut everyone up. And she didn't want to give him the whole '_I'm afraid of love after Burke'_ thing, not after what Izzie had said. But as Mer had declared, not saying anything at all was a cop out. But she couldn't just walk around saying feeling things.

A couple of nurses walked by her and stopped outside Owens office. One knocked on the door and poked her head inside the doorway. Was she one of the nurses Izzie talked about liking Owen? Really she never knew there were so many of them at the hospital. And who were the female surgeons just waiting for their moment to push her out of the way? She didn't feel jealous, she wasn't the jealous type. She wasn't the I love you type. She wasn't the anything type. Just the surgeon type. Maybe she was the stunted type like Izzie suggested. Maybe she was using Burke as a barrier to get in deeper with Owen. She had certainly been using sex as a barrier to intimacy. Even she knew that, but she didn't know that Owen knew that too. The more sex they had the less they talked about deep issues. She had tried to keep him busy. They discussed some stuff some times, she let him into her heart some times, but after being pulled along by Burke she wanted to be in the driver's position this time. Owen loved her so he followed her. But by what he had just told her, he had been driving all along. She thought she had their relationship they way she wanted it. But Owen was just making her happy. Now he wanted to be happy for himself and he was asking her what she wanted.

The nurses giggled in the door way with Owen. She tried to imagine him kissing one of them, the fair haired one. Tried to put images of them in her mind, to spur on some kind of emotion that would make her want to shove the nurse out of the way and demand Owen be with her forever. None of those emotions came. She could understand there being women who wanted to be with him, be around him. He was a likable attractive man. The fact there was no open flirting or trying to openly push her down the stairwell as Izzie claimed told her that people respected Owen and therefore respected his relationship with her.

Would it kill her to give him what he wanted? Would it kill her to be open and honest and openly loving to the one person that had basically saved her from bitter depression after Burke left? Sitting on his dick in the middle of the afternoon wasn't showing him real gratitude or using her vibrator on herself while he watched wasn't what he wanted to make him happy. He liked it, he enjoyed it, he went along with it, but he was more than that. He wanted a partner. Someone he could trust and count on. He wanted to be loved. He needed to feel grounded and steady. That's all he was asking. Weren't they wanting the same thing? Some sense of security.

No wonder he went to McDreamy. Meredith couldn't be tamed when she was scared of commitment. Derek had been married to Addison for years. He knew what that steady feeling of security was all about. Even Owen had been engaged to Beth for years. Who if not Derek could understand what partnership and future looked like. Meredith had bounced from one night stand to another, and Cristina had engaged in lopsided relationships with people who could teach her, help elevate her or compete against her. Her relationship with Burke was the ultimate in competitiveness.

That wasn't Owen, he was straightforward, he was direct. He stated facts and asked for details, and he loved her warts and all, and he was there for her. What more did she want from this man. Nothing. All he desired at this stage was more for himself and really who could blame him. He just wanted to feel secure. Three out of three of her friends did not think he was a being unreasonable. But they thought she was being so.

Damn Owen.

She walked up to his office. He wasn't talking about work with the nurses they were talking bands and music. She felt a twinge in her gut. There were smiling eyes all round, which cooled as she stood there. Fair haired nurse and brown haired nurse looked at her.

"Er... Dr Hunt, can I talk to you a second? " Asked Cristina.

There was the slightest exchange of looks between the nurses. _'Talk? Yeah okay...'_

Owen slowly wrapped up his discussion with them and ushered Cristina into his office closing the door.

"Sorry to bust up your little fan club meeting there." She said as brightly as she could.

"We were talking music. We have the same taste in music." Owen sat down and looked at her. "What is it _Dr Yang _I'm busy."

"You pulled me off my surgery remember, I'm still on your service. Do you have anything for me to do?"

"You know I think that will be all. You're done... for the day..."

Their eyes duelled. Brown, blue, brown, blue, brown.

"Look Owen..." Cristina started. This would've been the part where she locked the door to his office, stripped off and climbed onto his lap. Those days might be over. Maybe she could try one last time, but without undoing his zipper. "Owen. I... I'm..."

His pager buzzed, and he looked down. 911 he had to go. He stood up. Cristina went up to him and touched his chest. "Owen..."

He tried to move past her. "We're going to have to do this next time, I have incoming trauma."

Their bodies touched as he tried to manoeuvre around her. She held his chest. "Owen."

"Cristina...later..."

"Owen. I... I do love you." She said.

He looked at her. "Cristina... I have trauma... Later..." Owen walked out of his office leaving his door open.

Cristina watched him saunter down the hall. She felt as stupid and annoyed as hell. "Fuck." Was all she could say. She watched as he pressed the button to the elevator and waited. Meredith's words flew around her head like twittering birds in a cartoon. _'It's a cop out.' _Of course saying I love you and letting him walk away, was a cop out. She had to get beyond this. '_Whatever it is Yang._ _Deal with it_.' Screamed Dr Bailey's voice.

"Wait! Owen!"

He turned to look at her, but that's all he did. She ran to the elevator. _Ran. _"Wait!"

The elevator doors opened and Owen stepped inside, he held the door open with his hand and Cristina leapt into it. They both knew that for a split second he toyed with letting it close before she got there. It was in his eyes and it made her laugh, and he chuckled. They did have a connection and a relationship worth fighting for.

"Look." Cristina breathed. "I'm not very good at this; you know I'm bad at the emotion. Horrible. But you're right, it's no excuse. Owen... "

Cristina knew she didn't have long before the elevator hit the main floor and he walked out, so she had to get to it. This mustn't wait until later. "...Owen, I do love you." She said with a swallow, looking into his eyes. Reaching for his hands she pressed them to her chest. He was staring at her from his position by the buttons, trying not to look moved one way or another. Mer would call it a cheesy moment. But Cristina had to make big gestures for this man to take her seriously.

"Owen I love you. I...I'm not good at this. Burke... traumatised me." Owen stared at her. "But so did you. Every time you look at me with those eyes, those fucking blue eyes. I can't stand it. I can't breath... with you around Owen. But I can't breathe without you." She let him go to move around their confined space. "I can't handle this.... sometimes I want to run. I'm scared. I love you and I'm scared. I think you're going to leave. I think... I expect it... I think I am just preparing myself. Deep down, despite all this that we have." She waved her hand between the two of them. "I think I'm just preparing myself for...." She didn't finish her sentence, just looked deeply and sorrowfully in his eyes. They were on the first floor now. "I thought I was keeping things happy and snappy. I didn't realise you needed more from me... It's all in here Owen." She pressed her chest. "Inside here, I'm jumping hoops, smiling, laughing, excited. It can't come out in the way you want it. So I show you. When we have sex, make love, whatever... I'm showing you how I'm feeling and I thought that you'd get it. I thought I was speaking loudly and clearly. I didn't mean for..."

The elevator reached the main floor and Owen stepped out as the doors opened. Cristina stared after him, momentarily stunned; she had been baring her soul here. "Owen?!" She called when he didn't wait for her, look at her, stay with her, press the button to close them inside the elevator. But instead sauntered toward a harried Callie, who was giving orders to interns. He took stock of the trauma situation for himself and called for Cristina, who was still standing in the elevator with her hand pressed against a door.

"Yang, get out here!" He called.

"Wha..."

"We've got work to do Yang. This is a hospital!" He shouted at her confused face. "Now, please!"

Cristina jumped into action, shadowing Owen, who was now Dr Hunt. The relationship shit had to wait.

As part of his team, she got to work. The focus now being trauma and saving lives.


	13. THIRTEEN

**THIRTEEN**

That night just a few minutes short of 11.30pm a sleepy Callie pulled open the front door of her apartment to let Owen inside. She grunted a hello, she was tired, and it was late. ``Yeah Yang`s in her bedroom, be my guest. I don't care. Goodnight." She stumbled bleary eyed back to her room.

He did think about knocking, but he didn't. He just casually swung the bedroom door open and walked inside. Cristina was on her bed, lying on her belly in her night t-shirt reading a medical book. She turned her body as the door of her bedroom opened and was shocked to see Owen walking inside like it was nothing.

"What the...what are you doing... here...?"

He stepped inside and shut the door, with no explanation and no response to her protests. He did what he would do on any other night. Kicked off his shoes and begun unbuttoning his shirt. Peeling it off he cast it neatly over the back of a chair in the corner of the room. Reaching for the top button of his pants he popped them open, undoing the zipper; he perched on the edge of the chair and removed his jeans. Finally he rolled his socks down and off one by one, tucking them neatly in his shoes.

He tugged the blankets and as Cristina slowly edged over he climbed in her bed. Leaning his back against the headboard he asked if she was ready for bed. She stared at him, and slowly, slowly, closed her book, sat up, peeled off her t-shirt and casually got under the bedcovers wearing only her bra and panties.

Owen clicked off the lights and in the darkness slid down the bed, pulling her to him, spooning her. She could hear him breathe in and out through her hair. His arms wrapped tightly around her waist, her legs, encased between his.

"Are you going to tell me what's going on?" She said into the darkness after about five minutes of his silence.

Owen breathing her in again talked through her hair. "We need each other." He said after a long while. When he didn't say anything else, Cristina spoke matching his low tone.

"You ignored me," She said, "I came to your office to give you what you needed from me and you ignored me."

"I'm sorry." He said tightening his hold on her.

"I don't understand what's going on... are we... what's happening...? Do you still..."

"We're not breaking up." Owen assured her. "I don't want to leave. I need this, with you. I was scared too." He admitted.

Cristina sighed.

"I panicked. I had a panic attack." He'd laugh if he wasn't so depressed about it.

"Owen...We can't... I don't want to be... pressured or blackmailed... or pulled off surgeries..."

"No... "

There was a long silence as they both thought about their relationship, how far they'd come. How far they had yet to go despite everything they had been through together.

"I love you Cristina."

"I love you." She gently rubbed her thumb over his hand.

Their conversation came in pauses and short sporadic sentences for the next half an hour. It was a dark rainy night outside, there was no moon illumination through the curtains, the room was practically black.

"I didn't realise what I needed from you..." He said softly. "It's surprised me, what I need. When I'm making love to you something comes over me and I feel..." He swallowed. "That's why I spoke to Derek. I wasn't going behind your back; I just needed to talk..."

Cristina sighed again. "Owen I'm trying. I'm really trying."

"I know."

"I didn't realise that you needed me to be so ... verbally expressive..."

"I didn't mean to push at you. But I know what I want Cristina and I need more ... from you..."

"... Saying I love you makes me hyperventilate." She said into the darkness. "But I'll work on it, for you, for us. I'll have to do whatever it takes."

"I appreciate that."

"I could do with being less selfish anyway."

"You're not selfish."

"I am. " Her voice drifted off. "I am...."

"You're Cristina."

"Don't excuse me... I've been ... scared, copping out. I missed the point. It's important to you, feelings and emotions,"

"Yes."

"Yup." She sighed, and it turned into a yawn. "I ... I want to tell you how I feel more but it doesn't come out. It hurts to be called stunted or a robot or be criticized for not caring enough. I am loyal. I am a good friend. I support my people. I support you. I just don't do hearts and flowers, but I am all feeling all the time, on the inside."

"I know."

"Owen - I can't imagine my life without you."

"I don't want to be without you either. I want marriage. Children. The whole thing. I want to marry you..." He braved.

She was silent for a long time. "I... I don't know... Standing there in a wedding dress... in front of...I don't know if I... "

"I wouldn't leave you like that."

She swallowed feeling oddly emotional. "I'm scared of my past... I know I can't be that pathetic... But..."

He kissed her through her hair to comfort her. "I'm scared of my past too... Sheppard thinks I'm scared you might disappear, because my platoon disappeared. Because you didn't express yourself as I wanted, I got scared, couldn't guarantee you'd stick around. But I can't force you to tell me how you feel if you don't feel it. I can't be scared because of my past either."

"I won't disappear Owen..."

"I don't want you to be anyone other than who you are."

"I want you to feel secure. "

"Let's start again."

"Meet me in the middle?"

"Okay."

They decided to resurrect the three phrases Owen used while he was seeing Dr Wyatt. If Cristina had to walk around saying I love you all the time, she'd get resentful or something. He had to work with her and let her be who she was, while she met his needs and gave him what he needed from her.

As they talked he felt a little guilty that he didn't trust what he felt he knew about her. People outside of their relationship really didn't know her. She showed him sides of her that if he wrote them down on the surgery board, people wouldn't believe. She was incredibly giving and loving, she felt and hurt like anyone would. He kissed the top of her head, she was just a scared person with a lot of love to give but didn't know how to show it. She was immature in that department and that wasn't anything to hold against her. Sheppard had been right. He just needed to push her, push them through where they were, to their next level. But he also had to allow her the space to grow.

She turned over in the bed to face him. Snuggling her face into his neck pushing her knees in between his. One of his hands rested around her waist, the other soothed the skin of her back.

"Can we make love now?" She snuggled him. "I've missed you."

"No... I want us to be more than the sex Cristina. It's important to me."

"But you're so good at it."

He laughed.

"Can we at least make out...?"

"Maybe in the morning. I have the day off."

"Marvellous."

He couldn't miss the sarcasm in her tone.


	14. FOURTEEN

**FOURTEEN**

He was awoken by gentle strokes of her hand up and down his arm and gentle picks at the hairs on his arms. Her thigh pressing up into his groin. Her face moved up to gently kiss his chin, bottom lip, jaw line. Her hand gripped firmly at his arm as she massaged her thigh firmly into him. Her body writhed and she pushed her hips forward into him. Gently, he responded as she moved. He softly pushed her shoulder and rolled her over onto her back. His hand soothed down her arm and he planted kisses on her neck across her collarbone and down the centre of her breasts. Pulling her bra cup away he took her breast into his mouth, his tongue circling gently, slowly. She made light encouraging sounds. Her hand touched his hair and wound it gently round the tips of her fingers. When she pulled at strands it brought pleasure sounds from his lips as he licked her.

The flat of his large hand ran firmly over her stomach and abdomen, down over her and then into her panties where he pressed his middle finger without waiting tenderly into her. Of course she was wet, and encouraged his movements with her own. Hips rotating in gentle circles. He moved his lips up to her mouth and they kissed. With the flat of his hand pressing on her pussy and his finger inside massaging her, his thumb stroked her soft pubic hairs.

Their tongues played moving inside one another's mouths, slow, loving, circles, touching tips, flicking light strokes against each other. His front was a full on erection by now and it pressed into the side of her hip. He pushed against her grinding slightly. Cristina reached down as best she could and touched him, first through his briefs, and then inside them. For unknown time they kissed at, caressed and played with each other, pushing their slow humping bodies into each other.

Owen pulled his hand away from Cristinas body, she took his wrist and pulled his finger into her mouth, she looked in his eyes as she tasted herself on his finger, flicking her tongue, making delicious sounds that encouraged him kiss her mouth and share his finger with her, their tongues played again. He removed his wetted finger from her mouth and moved his hand down her to remove her panties sliding them down her legs in a slow fluid movement. When she kicked them off he used the same hand to pullout of his boxers. Moving slowly over her body, she held onto his cock with her hand, held it and pressed it firmly, her thumb gliding over the tip which was already wet, she glided it to her entrance and slowly teased herself by rubbing it there, kissing him some more. In time she wrapped her legs around him and he gently entered her. Her hips leaned into him repeatedly, they were still kissing, she would never get tired of kissing his lips.

He quickened his rhythm as she gripped the back of his neck and arched her back and pressed her hips, she needed to get as close to him as possible. Her moans and panting grew louder and her hips flicked into his harder, faster. He pulled her arms from him and pinned them to the bed, and rode her hard and heavy fucking her until she came, that's all he wanted, then he sought his release.

"Oh god..." She breathed. As she came down and her breath levelled off, she smiled. "Nice work Hunt..." When she was able to speak clearly.

"Nice work Yang." He panted in return with a laugh.

He slowly moved off her and clutched her back to his body. She wrapped her arms around his and they listened to one another's breath. Morning rode in through the blinds, hinting at what kind of day it was going to be.

"Last night...? She hummed gently playing with his skin.

"Hmm?"

"Was that a proposal?"

Owen crinkled his brow and looked down at her. "When?"

"Well, when you said. _I want to marry you._ Were you proposing?"

Owen took his time about answering her.

"Did you think it was a proposal?"

She took her time about answering him.

"I think it could've been... a proposal..."

He smiled lightly into the top of her wild curled head.

"Then I think ...it was a proposal."

There was a long, long pause.

"Okay then..." She smiled widely, to the window, the morning sun and the blinds.

"Okay then." He said after a short, short pause.

The END


End file.
